Today On the Subway

Today on the subway, I saw 4 different people picking their noses. I have no idea if they were French or not, because they weren't talking, they were picking. So I'm not even going to go there. However, it seems that at least French subways have their own brand of crazy. I'm sure any subway system in a major city, especially New York, has its share of insane people. But here in Paris, their insanity is almost an art form.

I saw a Hasidic Jew pick his nose and eat it. I'm not sure that's kosher.  I saw a kindly looking old grandpa pick his nose and flick it onto the seat in front of him...where someone else was sitting.

I saw a child, probably about 6 or 7, pick his nose, then take out whatever he found, examine it, smile, and then put it on the soles of his shoes. I saw a woman dressed in a business suit/skirt, with an expensive looking briefcase, pick her nose after looking around to see that nobody was watching, and put it into a white cloth, which then went into her pocket.

I saw two teenagers with braces making out and the dude feeling her boobs. I saw what looked like a man masturbating underneath a newspaper. His eyes were shut and he was going "uhhh". Maybe he was having a seizure and I'm just a total asshole.

A day or two ago, I was in a public park sitting on a bench watching the little kids play and reading a book. I saw a mother pick her child up, take her to the corner of the park, which was still right out in the open, pull her shorts down, hold her up by her chubby little arms like a baby chimpanzee and let her pee. Right there, in public. Aren't there diapers for that sort of thing? Does this woman really carry her child around with no diapers or underwear and just let her piss and shit in any corner she wants to?

Paris smells like pee in a lot of places, so really, I wouldn't be surprised.

Yesterday, I saw an ad for Orangina (which I'm pretty sure is pronounced orange-eena, but makes you want to say it like "vagina") which featured a zebra who had basically been turned into a prostitute. The French seem to consider this a winning marketing strategy, and I have to say, at least it gets your attention.

When I was in the Luxembourg gardens I saw a poster for a children's show with marionettes. I don't know of many things that are more disturbing than marionettes. Like dancing corpses. And for children? I bet parents had a hell of a time dragging their kids to that. But for all I know, French kids are little freaks and love shit like that. It would certainly seem that the French are at least into creepy clown-like shows, judging by all the signs I see like this everywhere: 

Ahhh, you nutty French people, c'est la vie.